Darth Ulf
Darth Ulf was a violent killing machine. Ulf! Darth Ulf was born as Sam Uelson on an unkown planet. He was orphaned at an early age and sent to live at an orphanage on Santa Monica. During a local news broadcast about a fire at the orphanage, he was discovered by TV personality, Darth Sweetums, who recognized both his force potential and violent temperment. She decided to adopt him. This not olny gave her the chance to continue the Rule of Two with an apprentice, but gave her great material for human interest stories during sweeps week. She named him Darth Ulf because he enjoyed punching people in the stomach for no reason. Darth Ulf excelled at physical training, but lacked the concentration necessary for more advanced force techniqies. He used an unconventional lightsaber with an extra-long handle. This allowed him to strike low and generally take cheap shots. Darth Sweetums realized that he would probably not make a good master, but she kept him around because he was a freaking killing machine, and you can never have too many of those. When Sweetums got her own talk show, she used Darth Ulf as a security guard, so that she could continue training him around her busy schedule. Despite rampant rumors, their relationship was never sexual. Jedi Interference One one episode of Sweetums! about celibacy, Darth Sweetums interviewed a young Jedi named Cam Neely. She had intended on ambushing him with several Half-Naked Twi'lek Chicks, but before she could, Neely realized something was wrong and stormed off the set. Backstage he was confronted by Darth Ulf. Since Ulf lacked the ability to mask his Dark Side energies, Neely immediately recognized him as a Dark Jedi. Rather than engaging in a fight, Neely fled to Coruscant to report his findings to the Jedi Council. While Yoda was slightly concerned, the rest of the council dismissed the idea that the most popular daytime talk show in the Galaxy was associated with the Dark Side. Dismayed, Neely returned to his native Boston and rallied the people of Boston behind him, threatening to bring war to Santa Monica unless Sweeums was brought to justice. Darth Sweetums struck back with a public smear campaign against Neely. Pointing out that he had passed on an opportunity to "bring her to justice," when he fled her show. More importantly, she dispatched Darth Ulf to assassinate Neely. Ulf travelled to Boston and broke into Neely's residence. When Neely arrived home, he used his unique lightsaber to slash at his knees leaving him alive but severely limited. With their leader wounded, and victory not assured, the people of Boston quickly lost interest. Neely took matters into his own hands, and traveled to the set of Sweetums!, hoping to ambush Darth Ulf. With his mobility limited, Neely was no match for Darth Ulf. Sweetums was pleased that her apprentice was able to eliminate the threat. Death Sweetums continued to use Ulf as an assassin, eliminating several other talk show hosts and Holonet executives, but continued to be concerned about his inability to grasp basic tenets of sith philosophy. Realizing that she would need to take another apprentice, but unsure that she could best Ulf in an open duel, Sweetums poisoned Ulf. Category:Sith Lords Category:No-Names Category:Sports References